Why I Don’t Pay Attention To The Statistics.

A part of blogging and being a blogger is the statistics. A lot of times bloggers are focused on getting their followers up on their social medias, getting their likes up, etc and I mean for a good reason. The more people look at your stuff, the more your blog and social media accounts spread which means more recognition.

This is all really great and I would love to get more recognition as well just like any other blogger, but I don’t exactly focus on the stats like most bloggers might or make certain goals around those stats. Let me tell you why.

I do a lot of my promoting for my blog on twitter. That’s where I communicate with other bloggers. I’ve seen plenty of bloggers make tweets such as “Help me get to my goal of (insert number here) by (insert time frame here)”. And then I’ve seen some upset because they don’t get to their goal, which is very upsetting. That’s one reason why I don’t pay much attention to the stats. If I  don’t make it to my goal, I know how hard I’m going to be on myself. This in turn will make blogging not seem as fun (speaking for myself not others).

Bloggers can also tend to get wrapped up in the stats a little too much. Doing that can sometimes make it seem like a job almost and it’s not as fun. I do want to become successful just as many others do, but I also treat blogging as something I just do. I love it with all my heart and honestly, I’m just having fun giving advice as well as making different fun posts. I feel so free when blogging, and yea I do notice what doesn’t get as many likes just from my notifications and I feel a certain way sometimes. But at the same time, it doesn’t deter me from blogging. I guess at the end of the day, I rather get wrapped up in making sure people that do read my blog are able to feel something or relate than getting the highest number of readers(not saying all other bloggers are like that, I’m just speaking for myself).

At the end of the day, whether you pay attention to the stats or not, I wish myself and all my blogger companions much success.

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The Importance Of Getting Checked (BCA)

Although people connect October to Halloween, it’s also connected to a more important subject…Breast Cancer. I don’t have experience with breast cancer, but I know there are women all over the world who do. In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I’ll be making a few posts throughout the month and to kick it off I’ll be discussing the importance of getting a mammogram. Men, pay attention because this is important information for you to know as well.

Because some of my readers might not know what a mammogram is, let’s begin with the definition of a mammogram.

Definition: Mammogram is defined as an x-ray picture of the breast(cancer.gov).

It is adviced that women begin getting checked at the age of 40. If breast cancer is common in your family, then it’s suggested you go at an even younger age (about 30).

Why Is It Important I Get A Mammogram?

  1. First is the obvious reason of being able to detect if there’s a possibility of cancer. This could also mean you being able to detect it early and getting treatment before the disease spreads.
  2. Results have shown that getting a mammogram helps reduce the number of deaths that are caused by breast cancer within women ages 40-74.
  3. It’s important to be aware of your body and to get informed of any potentially harmful unusual behavior.

 

Statistics

  1. 1 in 8 women in the United States will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of their lifetime
  2. 266,120 cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed in women in the US in 2018
  3. Women aren’t the only ones. About 2,550 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed in 2018 and a man’s lifetime risk of breast cancer is about 1 in 1,000.
  4. 40,920 women are expected to die in 2018 from breast cancer in 2018. The number of deaths has decreased for women under 50 due to treatment advances, earlier detection, and increased awareness.
  5. The risk of breast cancer in a woman doubles if she has a first-degree relative who’s been diagnosed with breast cancer. In turn, 85% of breast cancer occur in women who have no family history of the disease.

Another thing that’s important is a breast self-exam. You can do these on yourself once a month to keep in check and make sure nothing is feeling odd or anything strange is going on with your breasts. I will provide a guide on how to do it below that’s also available as a pdf provided by maurerfoundation.org

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It’s important we as women (and men) take care of ourselves, and I hope that you will now consider doing a self-test and getting a mammogram if you’ve never thought about it before. Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

 

**Sources: https://www.breastcancer.org, https://www.cancer.gov/types/breast/mammograms-fact-sheet#q3, http://maurerfoundation.org**

 

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Blogger Struggles: Balancing School And Blogging

Blogging and being in school can be a major struggle sometimes. I’m in school currently  while blogging, and it’s almost like having a balance scale trying to balance both but you can’t get it quite even. That little bit of uneven balance could be just enough to cause a whole setback.

For me, my struggles are like a chain reaction. First, I become too drained. School is a lot of work. It’s almost a job within itself (and I’ve put it many many hours with no pay). I’ve had plenty of late nights and a lot of meetings where I don’t get done until 2am. This being a constant thing is producing a blow out. So then my blog suffers a little bit. I usually write my blog posts on Sundays and I schedule them throughout the week. Writing blog posts take a lot, and when you feel like you’ve had a blow out and your energy has left you, it’s a little hard to write anything. Sometimes I can’t write all three posts in one day and have to take time to write them throughout the week, but I get it done because this is something I love.

Then the chain reaction continues and after being so drained, my brain feels like it’s ran out of ideas. Not only did my body have a blow out but so did my brain. I have a list of blog post ideas, so that’s not the problem. The problem is when it’s time to write. Things don’t seem to flow as well. I use so much brain power into my school work that I  just can’t get to writing as proficiently as I usually do. I will admit, I haven’t been too happy with some of the stuff I’ve written in some of my recent bigger posts. You all seem to like them, and I’m glad, but knowing what I’m capable of and knowing what I could’ve done with the post just makes me disappointed. But, we are our biggest critics aren’t we?

And lastly, becoming disconnected with my social media and connecting with others. I’m very introverted and spending a lot of time with group members or just at school around others causes my social meter to explode. I need a break from talking to others. Even my texting skills have suffered quite a bit this semester.  Being a blogger, it’s important to connect, update social media’s, and respond to emails and comments for your blog. Being socially drained, I don’t want to do any of that. Not only do I not want to do any of that, but I just have to find the time for all of that during my day. This may be online socializing, but it’s still socializing and I often need a break to reset my meter.

My blog doesn’t just suffer. If things were reversed and I paid more attention to my blog and made little time for school or didn’t spread my time out accordingly, then school would be suffering a lot as well. It’s all about balance, but right now my balance scale is teetering and it’s hard getting it to stop right at the center.

Are you someone who’s blogging and going to school? How do you balance the two?

 

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Being Plus Sized In The Gym

I’ve just started trying to workout more and I’m trying my best to stay consistent. I can for sure say I’m not new to stepping in the gym because I’ve had quite a few times that I’ve started my journey over now (but who’s counting?). One thing I can say about stepping into the gym that never changes, is the feeling of being someone who’s plus sized in the gym.

I know this doesn’t apply to all of my plus sized ladies or fellas, and it even maybe apply to others who aren’t plus sized, but for now I’m speaking as a plus sized person who sometimes feels a little uncomfortable. I know some of you know what I’m talking about. You step into the gym and you feel like everyone is staring at you like you don’t belong, which to me is crazy because there’s so many “doctors” out there telling us we need to go to the gym. If that’s true, then why make fun of someone you see trying to better themselves?

A lot of it’s in the brain, but I’ve also seen videos and pictures on social media that people have taken making fun of how a bigger person looks on a workout machine. For what? They’re doing a lot more than you are sitting there wasting time talking about someone trying to better themselves. Now you’re the one who looks like garbage.

Another feeling I know I get when I’m in the gym is the feeling like I have something to prove. Like I automatically know that when people see someone my size, they expect me not to do much or to be super slow or just confused on how to use anything as if the gym is foreign to me. Again, also thoughts that are a lot of times all in the brain. This makes me feel like I have to automatically go as hard as I can when doing cardio or go to the highest weight when on the weight machines just to prove a point. But who am I proving a point to exactly? No one came to me saying “You can’t do this or that”.

It’s all in the brain and the atmosphere. It’s the feeling of being the only one my size in a space filled with people who are smaller/skinny/more fit like everyone expects me to fail when in actuality people are minding their business.

There are some plus sized people out there who might really want to start going to the gym but are scared of what they’ll look like working out or just being judged. You know what you’ll look like? You’ll look like someone who’s trying to do better for yourself and your body. You’ll look like someone who’s ready to kick ass and take names no matter what level, speed, or weight you’re at.

Although thoughts of being judged comes through my mind and I often feel like I’m competing, I’ve also learned to just blast my music, go into a different space, and get shit done. If I can do it, I know you can too. I believe in you.

What are your thoughts about going to the gym? Have you ever felt judged or like you were competing?

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Do Black Women Get More Sh*t From Black Men?

*Breathes* Lord be with me. Ok, so I know you read this title and was like “Is she really going to discuss this?” Or maybe answered this with an answer in your head that you already have. Well, I know this is a big topic and a controversial one at that, but would this be the black princess DIARIES if I didn’t protest my thoughts? I think not. So of course I had to make a quick (or not so quick, we’ll see at the end how long this takes) post on it. Before I begin, my black men reading this I need you to know that I am in no way whatsoever bashing you in this post. And I’m aware it’s not all black men. This focus is on the ones who do bash…just in case you were thinking about losing it because you saw the title.

Let’s begin shall we?

This isn’t a topic I’ve personally considered myself to be too deep into, but I have seen posts over the years and even come across certain comments from some black men bashing. So why not speak about it on this lovely Monday morning? Do I think black women get more shit from black men than any other race? Honestly, I do. Some have their own interpretations for why. Right now I’m going to get into some reasons I think why men are treating their own kind the way they tend to do and dissect them a little bit.

Reason 1: Rejection 

This reason I’ve seen pretty often, I’ve even experienced it myself. There was a guy who I was talking to for a short time. He messaged me on this dating app (when I could stand dating apps) and he seemed kind of cool so far. It had only maybe been like two or three days and he brought up wanting a little bit more than I was wanting. So I told him I wasn’t trying to do what he was and he just lost it. Basically stated that this is why he doesn’t mess with black women, etc. I’ve seen plenty of this around.

You get rejected so what better way than to let out your anger than to bash your own kind? Listen, you being rejected has nothing to do with me being a black woman. Black men take note: just because we are of the same race does not mean that we’re going to go along and jump into the arms of any black man who approaches us like you’re saving us from all the other races. If you choose to move on to another race because you keep getting rejected by black women, then that’s your prerogative, but there’s no need to bash us black women. At the end of the day, if it’s you that’s the problem then it’ll be hard to get woman regardless of race.

Reason 2: Internal Racism 

Completely coming from my own thoughts, but I think another reason could be internal racism. When I say this, I mean that something has put you in a mindset that black women are just the lowest of the low and completely inferior to any other race of women. I mean from the color of a black woman’s chocolate skin to the size of her nose to the way she chooses to wear her hair.

I’ve seen around on twitter where some black men just don’t like black women at all. They just are not attracted to them whatsoever. But the question is, and I’ve seen this question being asked as well, how do you not like an entire race of women? Especially one that is extremely diverse. I know this question can stir up a big discussion, but it’s a real question. I believe it comes down to taking a moment and thinking “what reason is it that I don’t like an entire race?” Think about the things you don’t like and why. For example, if you’re a black man and you say you don’t like dark skin vs light/white skin. Why? Is it because dark skin grosses you out? Do you think white skin is more pure? Then my dear black man you have some self evaluating to do.

Reason 3: Abandonment

I think that another reason might be one that comes from abandonment. This can also be combined with rejection but on a deeper level. There are black men out there who have been abandoned by their own mothers. I know I’ve seen comments replying to black men who’ve made bashing comments saying “but isn’t your mother black?” or “would you say that to your black mother or grandmother who raised you?” Thing is, do we know if that’s who raised them? Not it’s still no excuse to bash black women, but it gives a little insight on the reasoning. There are some men out there who’ve only known abandonment from black women…or black people in general. Maybe they were thrown into foster care. Maybe they’ve never had that love from a black woman. Whatever the case may be, this could cause generalizing towards black women. So now there’s hate for the entire race.

Black men who are like this need professional help. Talk to someone. The thing is, I believe sometimes they’re not even aware of this problem. Maybe they’ve buried their issues so far deep that the reasoning for their hatred is almost unclear…until those feelings are brought back up. Some are 100% aware of their feelings and why but are so headstrong that you can’t tell them anything. Those men are the hardest to get too and could possibly stuck in this mindset all their lives.

Reason 4: Black Sheep Effect

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This is a concept I’ve learned from my social psychology course. This concept can be tied back to rejection as well. Think about this, a black man approaches a black woman. The black man does his best to get her attention and impress using his “best” pick up lines, but she’s just not feeling it and turns him down. Well, now she’s seen as unfavorable and because she’s also black, she’s going to get more sh*t than if another race turned him down. Again, for example he might respond with “see this is why black men don’t f*ck with you black bitches, you won’t give us a chance!” Does this sound like a familiar line you’ve heard or seen before? Yea I believe it’s used quite often and it’s extremely messed up.

If you’re a black man who’s bashed or disrespected black women, get help and grow up.
It’s time to come make some realizations. I’m not saying you have to be with a black woman, but I’m saying you don’t need to disrespect us in the process.

If you’re a black man who doesn’t bash us, I value you and I hope you’re sticking up for us when you see this type of hatred happening.

Black women, I know it hurts sometimes seeing this type of hatred when a lot of us ride so hard for our black men, but we have to stick together and don’t forget to appreciate the ones that ride as equally hard for us.

 

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Don’t Stay Silenced.

It’s no question that bullying is a big problem in the world and the worst problem is that it’s not illegal. It’s after the worst happens is when jail is involved. Before we can get into this subject, let’s define the word bullying.

Bullying: unwanted aggressive behavior; observed or perceived power imbalance; and repetition of behaviors or high likelihood of repetition (stopbullying.gov). This definition also goes into the two types of bullying, which are direct and indirect bullying. To find out more, you can check out the website.

Now that we have the definition of bullying, let’s look at some statistics for bullying.

 

About 28% of students in America Grades 6-12 have been bullied.

20% of students in America from grades 9-12 have been bullied and

30% of young people admit to being bullied.

15% of high school students were electronically bullied in the past year

Lastly, a whole 55.2% of LGBTQ students experienced cyber bullying 

(all stats taken from stopbullying.gov)

Now let’s look at a graph with some stats from nces.ed.gov.

bullying stats

I’m not going to go through these because it’s a lot, but taking a look at this, it shows the different ways of bullying, percentages of sexes that receive these types of bullying tactics, and the percentages of sexes as a whole. Again, looking at this confirms what we already know, bullying is a problem.

I know a lot of these stats are based on kids in high school and under, but adults get bullied as well. Adult bullying is just as much of a problem as youth bullying. Even worse is that, because you’re an adult, you might feel like you can’t say anything. Children are told to go to adults when they’re bullied, but who do adults go to?

In 2011, foxnews.com reported that careerbuilder.com did a survey on U.S. workers.

 

1 in 4 respondents stated they were a victim of bullying at work.

14% said the bully was their supervisor

11% said the bully was a co-worker

No respondents confronted or reported their bully.

 

Does this sound alarming to you? It does to me.

Bullyingstatistics.org gives 5 different types of adult bullying. For this post, I’ll just give the three that might be known the most:

1.Impulsive Adult Bully- this is connected with spontaneous bullying. The bullying isn’t planned.

2.Physical Bully- In adult bullying, this doesn’t always mean actual fighting. This can involve taking the stuff of the person who’s being bullied.

3.Verbal Adult Bully-this type of bullying usually involves rumors or verbally humiliating the victim. A lot of this, I believe, is seen through the internet.

 

Each type of bullying is different, but they all have the same affects. Being bullied as a child sadly doesn’t always stop when you reach adulthood. Whether you’re a child or an adult, you can’t stay silenced. SPEAK UP. Not speaking up about being bullied can cause more harm to yourself than it can the bully. Find someone you trust. Take action. Bring light to darkness that the bullies choose to hide in.

You can do it.

 

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Do What You Love…Love What You Do.

How many of us are doing something right now that isn’t our ideal plan? This could be a job or even being in school with a major you’re not even into. The thing is, a lot of people end up doing things just because they either have too, need too, or feel it’s their only option. Do you see something missing from this? Yea, it’s the fact that you WANT too. According to The Washington Post, a sample was taken in 2011 and 2012 and only about 13% of people enjoyed their job and 63% weren’t really engaged. I don’t know about you guys, but that’s a little alarming to me. This means that 63% of people are not too happy with their jobs.

I’m not sure about the statistics on college students, but just talking to fellow colleagues, I hear how many would’ve changed their major, including myself. So again, why are so many people unhappy with what they’re doing? Something as big as a job you might be working in for years or choosing to give your money to a school to get a degree should be a decision you’re 100% happy with correct?

Well, job wise, in today’s society it’s hard to make a living. This sometimes requires sacrifices. People may have a dream of doing something, but it just might not pay the bills on the table like some corporate jobs might…or it might take a while anyways. With that fact, the dream stays a dream and now you’re waking up every day with nothing but a cycle to look forward too. Wake up…get ready…go to work…stare at the clock…get off work…do it all over again. Doing this over and over and over again until you drive yourself crazy. Yea your bills are being paid without having to worry too much, but are you happy?

School wise, There are a few reasons why students stick with, and even get a degree in something they don’t even enjoy. Maybe they started out thinking that the major they were so eager to dive into was something they’d enjoy…just to find out they hate it. So they change it, but they didn’t enjoy that major either. So they change it again, again to realize they’re not happy. Then, they change it one more time before they realize that maybe college just wasn’t for them in general and now they’re stuck. Why not just drop out then? Well, some are able to just drop out, but others don’t have that luxury. This could be for different reasons within itself. Another reason could be to please their parents/family members(this can also apply to the job situation as well). Maybe they want to major in the arts, but their parents don’t approve. So now they’re a nursing major or studying to become a lawyer. Something that makes their parents happy….not THEM. Now not only money is being used on something they don’t enjoy studying, but they might end up with a degree that they might never even use. Or maybe they’re going to have a job they don’t enjoy. See the cycle? And again, they’re living their life unhappy.

People say life is all about taking risks. I believe this is true (as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others). People are so scared to take a leap of faith and do what they really love either because they want to please others or they’re scared they’re going to fail. Life is all about taking risks, but those risks also come with failure. Would you rather be miserable for most of your life but play it safe or would you rather fail and fail until you finally succeed and end up with something you love that makes you happy? If you need a sign to drop whatever you’re currently doing to do something you not need to be doing but WANT to be doing then this is it. Because it’s important to not only do what you love, but to love what you do.

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Insecurity…Is It Real?

The answer is yes. The end.

But seriously, there are people in the world that think insecurity is just a figment of the imagination. In some instances they’re right…but it’s a lot more than that. Let’s look more into the word “Insecure”.

in·se·cure /ˌinsəˈkyo͝or/ (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious (Google).

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I think it’s safe to say that at least once in their life someone begins to feel a little insecure about something. Even the most confident person feels insecure at some point. Hell, even your favorite celebrity has had a point where they may have felt insecure. Where does this insecurity stem from? Psychologytoday.com states that insecurity is based on rejection or failure, lack of confidence based on social anxiety, and insecurity driven by perfectionism.

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I believe all of this is 100% true. Now that we have an idea of where it comes from, let’s break those down as well, Starting with rejection or failure. Have you ever felt so confident about something? I mean you were so sure about it but then it didn’t happen the way you thought it would? This could apply to anything. It could be asking someone out, a job interview, or taking a test at school. In your mind you’re thinking “I got this!” But the results turned out differently. This could cause you to feel a little down. For some it may just be a down moment for a second, but for others it really hits you. Especially if you’re trying to achieve something you’re passionate about. Failing can cause you to think “Maybe I’m not as good as I thought.” I’ve been there. In middle school I was in chorus and up until 8th grade I was the loudest singer. Then, we had two new people join and they were loud enough by themselves let alone together. They say behind me and I began to feel myself drowning in their beautiful voices that filled the room. I was no longer the loudest or the best. I felt that I failed at my craft. At what I loved the most.

You have to come to realize that we all fail or get rejected at some point in our lives, but it doesn’t mean that you’re not good at what you do, or that you’ll never accomplish anything, or that you’ll be single for the rest of your life. Take that failure and make it your mission to become bigger and better.

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Next, let’s tackle social anxiety. This is a BIG one for me! I am extremely insecure when it comes to being around others and I’m not afraid to admit that. You shouldn’t be either. This is a cold world. People will talk about you just for being you, so it’s understandable not wanting to throw yourself out there in the limelight. What if they’re talking about you? What if they’re laughing at you? Hear me out for a second. What if they’re not? What if everything you’re thinking is all in your head? These thoughts I personally struggle with. I can’t walk by a group of people without instantly worrying that they’ll start laughing at me. In my mind it could be because of my size or maybe a factor I’m not aware of. This is because I’ve been bullied plenty of times for being bigger.

Whatever your reason is for having this social anxiety, it’s important to remember to stay out of your head. More than likely people are just minding their own business just as you are and if they are talking about you then they’re just complete assholes with nothing to do. Why worry about it? If they’re not going to say it to your face then let them talk. It’s not going to make them any better. Don’t be afraid to step out and take on new challenges day by day. Get out of your comfort zone. Lift up your head. Walk with pride. And know you’re a bomb ass individual no matter what social setting you’re in.

Fresh walk with me quotes I am who i am CONFIDENCE QUOTES

Lastly, we get into the topic of perfectionism. One of the biggest ones for one. With social media being big right now, it’s easy to think everyone is perfect. You see people show off their perfect bodies, perfect relationships, perfect lives. They are all so perfect. WRONG. They’re not perfect one bit, in fact they’re imperfect just like you. And yes, even the celebrities. Even Beyoncé isn’t perfect. QUEEN B!? Yup, even queen B. But when you see all this “perfectionism” all around it makes you see how…less perfect…you really are. You’re blinded by the fakeness of reality. What does this mean? This means that you’re blinded by what’s not real.

Perfectionism doesn’t just come from social media but your own family as well. Family members have high expectations and can be more harsh than any troll on social media. Them being your  family, you want to please them. So what do you do? You strive to be perfect. Working your butt off and driving yourself crazy only to realize you’ll never be perfect, but now you’re unhappy. Ok, so take away the social media and the criticism from family members. Now all you have is yourself. The other hard critique. You work so hard to be perfect at whatever you do that if you’re not perfect at it then you become insecure. Your mind tells you “I have to be better” “I have to look better” “I have to do better”. This is a good mindset to have, but when you begin to push yourself too hard, when you strive for perfection, then that’s a problem. And it’s a problem because nothing is perfect. NO ONE IS PERFECT. And that’s ok. We weren’t made to be perfect. The answer to this post isn’t that insecurity isn’t real, but that perfectionism isn’t. Realizing this won’t just take away your insecurity, but it’ll help you let go a little bit and to stop comparing.

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Something not discussed is the spread of insecurity. Maybe none of these factors cause you to be insecure. Maybe you’re the most confident person in the room…until someone makes a remark. Maybe that one remark is all you needed to second guess yourself. Insecure people cause insecure people.

Don’t let those people drag you down with them. They’re fighting their own insecure battles that they have to figure out how to win.

Insecurity is very real, but it’s real because of the imaginary thoughts in our head. Don’t let those thoughts control you, because once you do, once you let them live in your brain, it’ll be hard to get rid of them. Give them their eviction notice.

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Can you think about when you felt insecure? What advice would you have about someone dealing with insecurity?

 

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A Letter To My Younger Self.

Dear younger self,

Wow, I look at you and I see someone who I wish I still was but with some attributes I never want to see again. I see a little elementary school girl. You are so bright and smart. You receive so many awards and accomplishments. I am so proud of you! You’ve even gotten out of your comfort zone a few times. Remember when you did that fashion show at school and MC’d for it at the same time? That was crazy huh? Right about now, you’re obsessing over your first boyfriend. Don’t worry about when he stops talking you. He grows up to take a completely different path…and trust me you’ll be surprised when you get older. Not only do I see a bright girl, but I also see a girl who’s hurt. I see a girl who’s been bullied so badly starting just at 3rd grade. I see a girl who’s trying to push through, but doesn’t look forward to school sometimes. Who’s trying to ignore the harsh words that are constantly being thrown at her. And you do. You make it out with many honors and I’m so proud of you, but I also hate to say that those very words leave you with many scars and insecurities throughout your life too.

Dear younger self,

I see a middle school girl nervous as hell to start a new school, not knowing what this new step will take. You make new friends and even join chorus, which you love to your core. Your insecurities still follow you, in fact they get a little worse. Right now you’re not happy with your skin tone or your hair. Although I wish you accepted them now, When you get older you’ll start to accept these things and be proud of your blackness. Because your black is so beautiful babygirl. I wish the bullying stops for you, but it continues. You’ve had your things messed with and you’ve been talked about. This will make you very protective over your stuff when you’re older and you’ll always wonder if people are talking about you when you walk by. Don’t let it get to that point. You have to let go of what people did to you, otherwise the jerks will always win.

Right now is when you’re starting to try to find yourself a little. You’re even trying to say curse words but it just isn’t feeling right huh? (wait until you’re older, you’ll be shocked). You’re getting into a few things that normal kids this age get into. And yea you get into a little trouble for it as well. Be careful with what you’re doing. It turns into something you begin to wish you could step away from. Lastly, I see a girl who wishes her dad was around. I know it’s hard seeing your cousin with her dad when he visits. It’s hard seeing them having fun. There are going to be men(some you’re not so sure about) that come in your life as you grow up, but none of them are your dad. He’ll try to come in high school, but by that time it’ll be too late. It’s ok to be sad. But you’ll make it without him. You’ll be ok.

Dear younger self,

You’re a high schooler now girl and it is insane! I know right now you are pissed about finding out you have to wear glasses. You also don’t get new ones until adulthood after you break those very ugly glasses you angrily picked out. Surprise alert….your eyesight gets worse. About 9th grade you’re starting to figure out this whole sexual preference thing. I know you hate to have to hide things when you’re just trying to figure out who you are, but push through babygirl. You eventually figure things out. You don’t realize this, but you might be depressed a little bit. Don’t try to eat yourself to a heart attack…it’s not going to work(thank God). I wish you were more positive about life. Hell, I wish that changed for you after high school. 11th grade is when the bullying finally stops. All these years and it’s finally done. Go talk to somebody about it. I know you may not 100% realize the effects, but try and open up to your mom, get some help. Because if not now, then you’ll go many years with the past lingering onto you. You’re going to be shocked to know that you wear a lot of black now. Crazy right!? But don’t worry, you’re still girlier than ever.

And lastly, your perspective about relationships and marriage will change. I know right now you’re hating every one who’s in a relationship. You’re crying over it even. I want you to know that being in a relationship isn’t all you think. I want you to learn to be happy alone now, because very soon you’re going to find someone and you’re going to go through it. Stay away from him and stay away from dating sites. You’re worth so much more than what he puts you through. I have a tip for you….SIGN UP FOR COLLEGE EARLY. Don’t let your procrastination get to you because the school you’re at sucks. And don’t feel like you have to sign up for college right away. Wait a year if you need to. Figure out what you really want to do in life. What makes you happy. I have good news, you finally drive! Bad news, it makes you anxious as hell and you barely go places outside of the norm. Change that before it happens.

You think you’re going to end up living in a box and all your friends are going to leave you and live their own lives. Change your mindset now. It gets so much harder to when you’re older. I want the best for you. You have so much potential. You go through so much internally. I want you to show yourself you can make it through life. You are so strong. Adulthood isn’t what you think. Freedom isn’t what you think and as an adult you’re trying to push through. Develop a strong mindset in highschool. Fight off those demons. Before I go, I want to say I love you and you’re beautiful. I know you don’t believe that and I’m sorry that wasn’t said to you more. I’m sorry those years of bullying has you believing otherwise. Start telling yourself that more because as an adult it’s hard…so hard. And I never want you to go a day without you saying it and believing it. Take care beautiful.

Love, your older self.

 

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Tick Tock Goes The Social Clock

Social Clock: “The culturally expected time spans of such traditional events of adulthood”(psychologenie.com).

Some of us have heard of the social clock. For those who haven’t, It’s that moment in your 20’s where you’ve experienced feeling behind and like everyone is completely ahead in life. Sounds familiar? That’s because more than likely you either are experiencing it now or have experienced it. If you haven’t yet, then either you’re a little too young, is going to, or you were lucky enough to avoid the pesky social clock that society has thrown at us. If that’s the case then please share your tricks because they are highly needed!

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I can speak about this personally because I am going through this as we speak. The social clock is something I learned about in one of my Psychology courses. I always knew about things like midlife crisis, feeling behind in life, and  everything of the sort, but I never knew the term social clock was a thing.  So you may think, if I’m aware of it then I should know how to avoid being affected by it….right? Not quite. It doesn’t matter how many notes and how much knowledge you have on how to avoid the affects of the social clock, the feelings of being behind can still hit you, especially in this day and age.

I’m in my twenties, and nowadays it seems like everyone is married, owning their home, and has their own business by the age of eighteen. Here I am, a 23yr old and I’m just trying to figure out how to survive at this point. So how can I not feel so behind? Often people shame you for not being in a certain place at a certain time. You have to have your own car, home, and earn a certain salary by 25. You need to be done with college, undergrad and grad, no later than 26. If you’re not married by 30 with kids then it’s just not happening for you because your eggs/sperm are done and everyone in the world is officially taken. Did you just get the sudden feeling like you’re drowning? Yea me too. That’s what society does and it’s harmful and could even cause some hasty decisions just to try and play “catch up” with the world.

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Besides all of the rest of the world having you feel like you’re miles behind, your family can be some of the main ones trying to put you on a timeline. I’m lucky enough to not have that experience(so far), but others aren’t so lucky. They have parents and grandparents on their backs about when they’re getting married, having kids, getting a certain job, etc. This can not only be a nuisance, but overall way too overwhelming. There’s not too much you can do about family, but you can do your best to explain to them that everything will be done in your own time. Which is true. Everything will happen in its own time when it’s supposed to happen.

I know earlier I said there was nothing you can do about getting that behind feeling, which there isn’t, but there is something you can do to stop it in it’s tracks. What I like to do sometimes when that feeling begins to consume my brain and thoughts is to just take a second to breathe. I take a deep breath and then I make note of the social clock. It also helps sometimes to bring it up if you’re talking to someone about these feelings you’re having. Making note that the social clock exists is like acknowledging that these feelings are only there because society told you to and that if haven’t done x,y,z yet then you should worry, which isn’t true. Then, I like to tell myself that I will get these things done when it’s my time and to take it day by day.

God, the universe, Buddha, or whatever you believe in, will set things in place for you when you need it to happen not when you want it to happen. I heard something on TV about goals and plans. We tend to get discouraged when our life plans don’t work out the way we want. We end up wanting to give up on our plans and goals, feel like nothing is going to happen for us, or just think that we’ll be stuck in a certain spot forever. This isn’t true. Life will not always happen the way you want. This is coming from a girl who didn’t plan on having to come back to college to finish two courses after graduating, but here I am. The guy on TV said something that struck me. He said “Make your goals and stick with them. You don’t have to change the goal, just the way you get to it.” This is so true. Your goals don’t have to change and it doesn’t mean they’re not going to happen, but sometimes the path or route might change. You just have to adjust. Maybe you don’t enter college at 18 or 19. That’s ok. Don’t throw the goal away because you feel behind. Just reroute. You’ll get there.

Have you ever felt behind from everyone else in life? If so, what did you do to overcome the feeling?

 

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